Book Review: To Air is Human--One Man's Attempt to be the World's Greatest Air Guitarist by Dan Crane
This book is for everybody who feels that uncontrollable urge sometimes... you know in your bedroom with the music cranked up to your favourite song (I confess... mine would have to be War Pigs by Black Sabbath)... your air guitar magically appears in your hands... you crank up the air volume knob, hit the air distortion pedal... and go psycho. Most of us are content to leave our air guitars at home or to just bring them out on the odd special occasion... say after 6 or 7 pots at your local and Led Zep's Immigrant Song comes on... but (believe it or not) there are those that feel the need to take it to the next level and pursue air guitar competitively. Dan Crane goes there and beyond... way beyond.
His story begins with his discovery of air guitar and the creation of his Nietzsche quoting alter ego Bjorn Torque (pronounced 'byorn to rock') and details his growing obsession with the sport (can you call it that?)--he spent thousands of dollars flying across the country to compete in various competitions in a bid to ensure his entry to the nationals and even flew to Finland twice to compete in the world championships.
We hear about his ongoing rivalry with world champion C Diddy, his continual disappointment at constantly coming second until his eventual retirement in 2005 where he finds Bjorn Torque lying dead in his hotel room (he choked on his on vomit). Amongst this, there is a turbulent love affair with 'Jane Ayre' (the story about how they met is priceless).
The writing is easy to read, laced with adolescent humour and pop culture references. Throughout the book there are diagrams for budding air guitarists explaining different air guitar moves like The Windmill, The High Kick and The Pick Slide. There are also interesting footnotes throughout the book about various bands, songs and events. Despite his continual failures in the air guitar arena, Crane's knowledge and passion for music and sharing it with other people shines through.
There were definitely some laugh out loud moments (don't recommend you read it in public... had some embarrassing moments on the tram), particularly in the descriptions of other contestants, some of which take their air guitar extremely seriously--one guy takes a dump in a pizza box for effect during his act.
I must admit I was a bit disappointed when Crane reveals that he is actually an accomplished musician in a semi-successful non-air band. I imagined that air guitar should be reserved for the underclass of try-hard rockers that are too uncool or musically challenged to be in a band but have somehow carved out success in this absurd form of imitation. Nevertheless, Crane provides his fair share of self-deprecation.
To Air is Human is a great companion to the movie Air Guitar Nation, where Bjorn Torque features extensively. The movie documents the birth of the U.S. air guitar championships.
This book ain't gonna win the Pulitzer for literature but it's a great laugh and a celebration of the the rock and roll obsession.
http://www.bjornturoque.com/
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